Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
