If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
