So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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