sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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