she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
