is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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