but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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