Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
