Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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