We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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