She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
