cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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