The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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