Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
