just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
