I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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