so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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