He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
