the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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