when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
