Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
