hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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