You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize