I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
