i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
