Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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