The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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