8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think my moral compass just broke
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
