Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
