What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love you. Go after that dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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