ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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