I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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