Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
