It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
