PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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