I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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