he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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