i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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