So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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