plz talk dirty to me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
People in love make me want to vomit
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
