How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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