She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
