I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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