dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
