some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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