You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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