I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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