Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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