some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
