omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
