we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
