Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
