Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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