you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
