Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
