He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So many bounce houses so little time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
