College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
