It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
