the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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