my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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