he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
