Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
