Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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