You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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