haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
