After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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