I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
