I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
