lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
