the new term for farting is butt boxing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
